Flight departing at 8:50 required me to get up at 5:30 to leave at 6:15 because I had luggage to check. Well, I wake up at 4:30am and can't go back to sleep. So, not off to a good start already.
Security wasn't the champ it has been recently but pretty good considering how busy it was. I get to the gate 47 mins ahead of flight and ask about upgrade--no dice--all full. I swear all one annoying family, two old people and one FAAAAAT guy. I'm all about letting the big fatties upfront!
So, there was no getting out of my middle seat, but at least it is exit row. I actually don't mind the middle seat as long as my neighbors are courteous and realize that those arm rests are mine! (see previous blogs)
Well, my neighbor to my right, the window, was, please picture this, a cross between every adult male image of an Amish man mixed with Gandalf dressed as a cowboy. Seriously. He was TALL. Like 6'5" and had huge hands and was reading the biggest scariest boringest textbook on the Stone-Caldwell Movement.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_the_Latter_Day_Saint_movement
Now you could tell he was reading it for his own personal edification and I'm all for reading so I'm not knocking it exactly but for me, YAWN.
Now what was super interesting about Zeke was that he traced the words with his finger and when he found something he felt deeply about he'd nod his head solemnly in a "yes! I knew it. That's right!" in a deep, long held conviction sort of way. He did this the whole time. Now what was just exceptional was that I noticed him looking out the window as we started to descend for landing. A moment later the fasten seat belt light came on and he nodded approvingly at that too!!! I wish the captain could have seen it.
Well, Nebucanezzer there had a long sleeve shirt on. Of course he did and I'm glad tootin' he did. Cause Paddy to my left sure didn't.
Paddy, so named because of his irish ruddy and freckly complection (ok, he looked like me!) was the typical male traveler in that he S-P-R-E-A-D-S out no matter how big he is. He was only standard height and weight, say 5'10' and 190ish but he thinks his balls are massive and does not know how to close his legs slightly at all. I'm a big girl and my thighs sure spread but not all of me and I do fit into my seat. He could if he tried but just likes to let it all hang outwards in a < > direction.
While this is all bad enough, the real problem is that he kept hurting me. Ok, kept equals 2-3 times which isn't bad considering how he spreads but seriously, it can all be avoided with good bodily care. Men, if you have dry rough skin on your elbows take care of it. There are things called Loofahs. There are files if that isn't enough. And of course moisterizer. Go to a spa. And not the happy ending kind. A real spa.
I swear Paddy hasn't seen sunscreen or moisturizer in his life. At one point I had to check his left hand to see if he is married.
Yep.
Wives, TELL THEM! I know it bugs you too!
Dude seemed totally clueless.
So, other things about my flight: approx 5-7 rows up was quite the cast of comedians. I could never hear a damn thing said just the riotous laughter and it was so annoying. I want to know the funny stuff or shut up you lot! Seems they were so damn funny that one of the flight attendants stood talking to them for a good 20 minutes in everyone's way while people were coming and going to the bathroom just hootin' it up!
OH! This stewardess--picture Tootie from the Facts of Life mixed with Sideshow Bob! OMG her hair was a total fright-wig like Sideshow Bob!
Now, if my photoshop
skills were better I'd be able to make Tootie tall like Bob, give her hair like Bob, keep her black skin and great smile and of course no belly or dagger needed. But alas you'll need to close your eyes and picture this.
So, that was my morning 2.6 hours of my day. How was yours?
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